Ingredients: beans, coconut juice (clear and white), onions, oil, Royco mchuzi seasoning (like bullion), stamina, patience, strong muscles, strong teeth, sense of humor
Directions:
1. Go to market to buy beans.
2. Attempt to cook beans on gas stove for 1 hour. Realize they are still hard, eat some buttered bread, etc, but go to bed hungry, letting beans soak overnight.
3. Ask Sophie for help and find out the next day that you should use a charcoal jiko for cooking the beans longer so as to not use so much gas, and should also add coconut.
4. Find someone to shimmy up a coconut tree, throw down dafu (young coconuts) to enjoy fresh and nazi (mature coconuts) to use for cooking.
5. Cut hole in dafu.
6. Drink coconut water.
7. Cut coconut in half, scoop out and enjoy fresh.
8. Discover that coconut is a natural laxative. (no picture needed)
9. Recover, cut nazi in half, and reserve water.
10. Grate coconut half while sitting on cool-looking yet scary tool.
11. Press cream out of the grated coconut by using a tool that looks like a woven bag (or a tea strainer), and reserve.
12. Break up charcoal chunks and place in jiko. Light “gazette” (newspaper) with a match and feed it to the stove.
13. Continue feeding it newspaper until the charcoal starts to burn. Let jiko burn until stops smoking, about 15 minutes, then bring inside.
14. Cook beans on jiko for about 5 hours, then transfer to gas stove.
15. Saute chopped onions in oil, then add beans and coconut water and cream mixed with Royco. Cook for about 10 minutes.
16. Serve with chapati or rice.
17. Eat carefully, realizing that any “beans” that are still hard are actually rocks. Vow that next time you will carefully pick out stones and twigs from the beans before cooking.
18. Optional: attempt to make stove-top macaroons with leftover coconut gratings, since they are otherwise just thrown away.
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